The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate Paperback – 1 July 2002
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"The Dance of Connection can save your marriage, a friendship, and your relationship with your mother, father, sister, brother--even your boss. Brimming with practical advice, sharp wit, extraordinary knowledge, deep caring."--Edward M. Hallowell, M.D.
"Lerner rescues us from the swamps and quicksands of difficult relationships with her unique clarity and profound intelligence. This book is for everyone."--Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., author of After the Affair
"Lerner does a remarkable job teaching us new steps in the complicated, mysterious, painful and beautiful dance that we call family life."--Mary Pipher, Ph.D.
"Lerner's mass appeal results in...accessible and well-organized work that...belongs in all libraries Highly recommended."--Library Journal
From the Back Cover
In her most affirming and life-changing book yet, Dr. Harriet Lerner teaches us how to restore love and connection with the people who matter the most. In The Dance of Connection we learn what to say (and not say) when:
- We need an apology, and the person who has harmed us won't apologize or be accountable.
- We don't know how to take a conversation to the next level when we feel desperate.
- We feel worn down by the other person's criticism, negativity, or irresponsible behavior.
- We have been rejected or cut off, and the other person won't show up for the conversation.
- We are struggling with staying or leaving, and we don't know our bottom line.
- We are convinced that we've tried everything -- and nothing changes.
Filled with compelling personal stories and case examples, Lerner outlines bold new voice lessons that show us how to speak with honor and personal integrity, even when the other person behaves badly.
Whether we're dealing with a partner, parent, sister, or best friend, The Dance of Connection teaches us how to navigate our most important relationships with clarity, courage, and joyous conviction.
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Most helpful customer reviews on Amazon.com
I like that she uses a lot of personal anecdotes although I know some find it off putting. But I like that I can have a silent conversation “No, do I really do that?...Yes, it might work better if I....”
I always feel better after reading her books and that, for me, is huge.
I do not mean to say that this book does not have use for many, but for me I was looking for a book that empowers me to feel connected with others in a meaningful way. A book brings about introspective insight into meaningful connection with others. A book with purpose and insight into the human condition. Unfortunately this book lacks human spirit. None of the rawness of emotions are present. It's a frustrating read of dry dialogue.
I came to this book with expectations that it would bring me to find meaningful connections with other people in the world. Clearly I came to the wrong place. I don't mean to diminish the value this book offers, but it's value to me and the way the title and overview are presented landed for me as a book on meaningful connections. I feel misled.