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My wife and I started reading books on the subject when we learned that the pregnancy had complications that doctors said was "lethal". After accepting the diagnosis, we wanted to be as prepared as we could without having been through a situation even close to this. This is one of two books that I wrote a review for; although we read many more. One was beneficial for both of us, but was targeted towards the mother. This was the first guide I read targeted towards the Dad. It took a night to read, and touched on some things I thought I was the only one thinking. For example, some good friends of ours distanced themselves from us when they were aware of the situation, and Mr. Nelson's words helped me realize that I should not be angry about it. The idea I found to be most helpful was that the majority of people have good intentions, and to not take something the wrong way as it is not easy for others on the outside to be supportive in an uncomfortable topic.
I bought this when we lost our daughter, needing to find something for my husband. There is no right time to give someone this book, but it's an excellent book for facilities that deal with losses to have on hand (churches, hospitals, etc.) It is more of a pamphlet that covers basic topics that should be considered in the death of an infant, usually when it is expected. Things like birth plans, burial plans, etc. There is very little on the grieving process or how to help your spouse, but it is a good guide on the basic fact that details must be handled during a loss, because nobody is really prepared to do this.
It's hard to know what is normal in abnormal situations. The death of a child is (if all goes well) a very abnormal situation for which few people are prepared. And while this guide does not do the impossible (help you and your spouse quickly get over the grief) it does let you know a few important things. First, most of what you are feeling is normal, so just go with it and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Second, you can't solve your spouse's grief so your best bet is to be supportive and watch out for things you might do that will make things worse (things that you may think are actually helpful).
This book does not attempt to explain the psychological underpinnings of what we do in stressful times; that's not its purprose. It merely offers perspective on what the author and his wife experienced, some of the mistakes he made, and offers proof that life does go on, though certainly it will not go on as it did before.
Because it clearly was not written to climb the bestsellers lists you will not find diagrams, catchy buzzwords or any Mars and Venus stories. This is just one guys story that he hopes will help others- and after reading it, I can say it will do that.
This is a great book and yes it is short but it is geared toward men and no grieving man is going to sit down to a 200 page book on his feelings. Each topic is covered by a man who has been there and therefore you can relate. I got a lot out of this, too, even though I am a woman, but it is helpful to really see where your husband may be coming from. While this book does specifically target stillbirth, as that is what the author experienced, I think you can still get something out of it for miscarriage if you just look at the parts about how you may be feeling and how to deal with the grief. The most helpful part of the book for me is the reference pages in the back that list other books and websites. It is worth it to get this book.
My husband read through this book after we had a miscarriage with our first pregnancy. It was very helpful for him to read and process. It was also really good for me to read it and be able to understand what he is feeling. This book is written in bullet point style, my husband says it is very "man friendly".
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This is a very small (thus 4 stars), but very powerful book, one of the very few written for fathers who experience child loss. It would be wonderful if the author would expand this and provide broader support for dads who are often "forgotten" during this sad experience.
Hospitals, funeral homes or child loss support groups should provide this book to fathers who have just suffered a stillbirth, late miscarriage or infant loss. The information mostly covers the first few weeks after a loss. I don't think it would be helpful for a father who's loss was more than 6 months ago.
I is a pocket sized pamphlet. Very short but provides many good details about the normal early stages of grief.
When we lost our daughter recently, we were inundated with books about the grieving process. What I like about this one is that its written by a father (who experienced loss) for fathers that are experiencing a loss. Losing a daughter (or any child) is a very difficult experience, so I recommend finding people you can talk to about what happened and how you're feeling, but reading up on grieving is also important to help set your expectations for the process. This book can help with that without requiring a major time commitment. The chapters are not lengthy or verbose. You read the book a section at a time or skip around whenever you have a few minutes.
I felt like this was one book I could read cover to cover and that helped me start reading it in the first place. Its like a pocket-sized reference guide with insights on what to expect while grieving.