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This is so helpful and thoughtful. Still reading it, but you can dip in and out of it. It really makes you think about where your own behaviour and thoughts come from, and how to sort important issues out.
It's a little preachy and you need to take everything it says with a grain of salt. It mentions many studies done however does not list them specifically so you wonder where they really got their data from. However there are elements of the book which do make a lot of sense and provides a different perspective to parenting and how your child behaves. Harsh discipline is only one way to go about it and it's interesting to read about alternatives. Ultimately as parent you need to decide what kind of parent you want to be and how to get the best results. I don't believe there is ever only ONE way to do things and there are different solutions that work for different families. Just keep an open mind and be willing to try anything. I started reading this book when I had been on holiday and my 2 year old was acting up a lot, and my sister in law who was very well meaning put my son in timeout (with my consent). I had never administered that kind of punishment before and was interested in seeing how she did it as she's a mother of 3 generally well behaved kids. However, after doing it a few times while on holiday and then at home, I got the growing sense that a) it wasn't working and b) it felt wrong. My son looked at me differently, he ran to daddy instead of me and he was acting out MORE. I decided punishment might be something we do but not at this age and not in this manner. Since reading the book I've stopped yelling at my son and spent a lot more 1 on 1 concentrated time with him on a daily basis. I have always been a mom who loves to show physical affection to my son but I wasn't always willing to play with him, preferring to leave that to his dad. Since I started spending more time focusing just on him, I've noticed his behavior has MARKEDLY improved. There's definitely something to the philosophies in the book which can help.
I always knew that there must be a better way of raising a great child and a person, other than through hitting, yelling, disciplining, punishing, all those "necessary" evils. I think this is the best thing I have found in my whole life because it's going to help me raise peaceful and happy kids. Thank you from my heart dr. Laura Markhan!
There are hard truths in here mixed in with some guilt and some good techniques. It will require a lot of effort on your part to be a better parent or reverse the damage you've done (naturally). The methods are great but may not always work in practice and it seems like it was written for the stay at home mom with one child. But basically it is just simple emotional connections with your kids and being patient and understanding and developing their emotional IQ. She gives you the reasons it will benefit you in the long run but the "research" is lacking and for every bit of research with one method there is research to contradict it and these books only pick the research that's in their favour. This will apparently make the kids that want to talk to you and want to behave because they want to, not because they are afraid or feel like they HAVE to. I'm sure there is more than one way to have a well adjusted child so take what works in this and combine it with other methods.
You will feel horribly guilty while reading this. It's full of shame. I almost ripped a page out when she said that sleep trained kids are damaged. Because it's just that simple! (Sarcasm)... And there's loads of research that contradicts what she writes about sleep training and that's just one tiny page of this book. So when she says things like "research shows" take it with a grain of salt.
I really wish I would have read this book when my kids were younger. I have two boys 8 and 5 and this book has completely changed my relationship with them. These techniques not only help you build a strong bond and truly connect with your child, but really help you reconsider your own self and issues. I dont understand why we go to school and learn so much but nobody ever teaches people how to be good parents. This book should be obligatory for anyone that has kids. The world would truly be a better and more loving place.
This is the book I needed to read. It's not just another book that says things like: '...Now I am going to tell you about the right ways you should parent you children, etc... . (making me feel even more of a complete failure as parent ...) Dr. Markham advocates compassion and non-judgementalness as a parenting style and she addresses the readers (parents) in the same non-judgmental, compassionate way. I am somebody, who feels chronically guilty about the smallest event. The guilt made me a very stressed-out parent and the stress created distance between me and my child - lately it was just 'getting through the days' - leaving little space for joy. So I looked for some help, support, inspiration and found this book. The connection between parents and children, that this book speaks about is the solution for me (AHA!)! After only one day of connecting again with my child, she became a child that wants to cooperate. The reward for re-connecting to my child, and to life in general is the joy in the house and much reduced stress! The other thing the book has really helped me with, is the idea of 'radical self care'! (love the word!). Thank you, Dr. Laura Markham!