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I was really hopeful that this book would help me move forward healthily, however it's written with incredible bias. I want freedom, this book is like a step by step guide on how to hate your abuser. That's not what I want, I want to love myself. I feel like the person who wrote this book has a journey to go on themselves as they are harbouring a lot of hate. It's also quite poorly wrote and kind of trivialised the issue of emotional abuse into a "point scoring game" when most people coming out of these kinds of relationships just want freedom.
I have spent the last 16 months soul searching and agonising over the events of the past. I read another book - it took me about 8 months, I picked it up and put it back down...maybe I wasn't ready?
I picked this up and read it in two days. I could relate to every single page in the book. I felt like it was written about my ex, the whole thing. It all makes sense to me, and for the first time in 16 months I feel I have some vision through the thick fog that's been in front of me this whole time. All my feelings are validated. Everything suddenly makes sense! If you read one thing...one thing to start your journey to recovery, I can highly recommend this.
I have not been in such a relationship but my brother has. When she finally left he did not know whether he was on foot or horseback, he was in such turmoil. I spent a long time searching for something I thought could help him and then I found this book. Out of interest, and trying to understand what he had gone through, I started to read it. I told him about it and he couldn't wait for me to finish it (all of two days!) so immediately ordered his own copy. I had a phone call from him to say he couldn't put it down until he'd read it. He said the book could have been written about her and that he finally felt he had some answers to his questions......
Thankfully that was the start of his healing journey and, although he still has a long way to go, this book was pivotal to that process.
This book was recommended to me by a new Instagrammer who seems to have disappeared and I can't find her but omg this book was written about my life. From the beginning it describes my abusive ex to a T. It has shed a little light on how things manifested in the relationship or why he may have done certain things. Physco paths aren't just your usual Ted bundy etc, it can be any human who seems "normal". They don't have to be a serial killer or acting odd, it can be your typical human. I would recommend this book to anyone who has been in an toxic relationship. I'll never truly get answers from my ex but this book is the next best thing. If I could buy everyone this book I would because it all makes sense and is so well written. Definitely 5 stars for me
This is an absolutely amazing book it goes into great detail about the mind set of psychopaths its very easy to understand and for those of us who needed to understand whats happened in there lives and why.Anyone who has been involved with a person like this buy this and read it from cover to cover then read it again you will have an oh my god moment i promise then it will all fall into place.
This book is good for making you know that emotional abuse isn’t something you should brush under the carpet and tells you that it can still be damaging to you even if the abuse wasn’t physical. I think a lot of people think because it’s not physical it’s not something you need help to overcome and this book will tell you otherwise. It will help you heal. DO NOT BUY UNLESS YOU ARE OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP!! If you have been through physical or sexual abuse; this isn’t the book for you, as it doesn’t talk about that side of things, I recommend searching for books about PTSD, trauma bonds and domestic violence instead as they are worded more sensitively and directly speak about the things you have been through, for example in this book it claims that you can leave the abuse behind, and with physical/sexual abuse that isn’t really the case. But overall really good book that everyone should read. Learning about narcissism is very important.
I read many books about narcissistic personality disorder, borderline, emotional vampires, manipulators, etc and I must say this is the one that I found the most helpful of all of them, because the advice that is given really works (at least for me). I struggled for many years with the crazy making ex-wife of my husband who I would have no problem whatsoever to eradicate out of my life, but I can't because I have to co-parent my stepchild with this person. Needless to say that this person poisoned my life and my relationship with my hubby and stepchild from day one I entered into relationship with them....and the story is still going on. First of all, I wouldn't agree with other reviews that this book addresses mainly women in a relationship with a psychopath male. Many of the issues described in the book are spot on in my case dealing with a female borderline or narcissist.... I have also seen female narcissists at work operating in pretty much the same way. The main difficulty for me over the years, apart from not being able to simply cut this person out of my life, was that I couldn't understand why and how this person drove me angry and jealous to almost insanity level. I had never met anyone before who made me feel that way and it left me feeling very powerless. I come myself from a family line of narcissists and co-dependents and I also have a certain degree of psychoanalytical training, hence I tried to approach this problem from a transference-counter-transference angle: what is it in me that makes me react so badly to this woman, what are the inner wounds and /or dark spots in me that I need to bring to light, what do I project into this woman that makes me feel so bad, which of my unconscious complexes has been touched..... and so on. Now that I read this book I finally realised that during all these years I followed a complete wrong track by trying to analyse me, her, my childhood, my parents, god knows what... because the answer to this is simple: the woman is a psychopath who cannot stand anyone who is nicer, prettier, more popular, a better mother, happier, a more integer person, a "you name it what" than her… and because she has no control over me and my life and the love my husband and stepchild feel for me, she just tries to erode any of these features of mine by manipulating me into thinking and feeling way less of myself than I really am. When I read the chapter about the "manufactured emotions" in the book, all became clear. I realised that this woman would just drive any sane, caring and sensitive person insane. And all the feelings that I had (at times I felt like killing her) were feelings that had nothing to do with me, but that these were feelings that I had been simply been manipulated into feeling. I experienced all these nasty things exactly because this woman WANTED me to feel them!! This was a real revelation to me. Now I have a very good tool at hand to protect me for any future manoeuvres from her side - every time one of these old feelings tries to creep up I just tell myself "watch out - manifactured emotion is showing up on the horizon. Discard!"....and my problem is solved. I am so grateful that I found this book.... there are many more good points and techniques in it, like "the Constant" and others…. Definitely helpful and enlightening.
If anyone has ever experienced this kind of subtle complex abuse that these toxic partners deliver this book is for you. My jaw dropped on every page, I could have written this book and until I read it I didn't know the true extent of what I was experiencing. I recommend it to everyone that can't fathom there partner but keep trying to fix things.
I mean thank you so much for, much like my ex, making me feel like just because I have "borderline personality disorder" (which fyi now has a different name) then it must be ME that's the psychopath. This simply isn't true. Yes I do have unhelpful personality traits which I'm working on. I am very self aware. But he used this against me and books like this which genaralise in such a massive way are very unproductive. I bought your book hoping this move forward from the toxic relationship I was in but apparently it was me. So there we go 🙄 Do not buy if you have any form of personality disorder as all your feelings don't exist. Cheers for adding to the yr stigma it's no wonder so many people with this illness just give up.
Some helpful bits in this book, however it is very repetitive and includes people with Borderline Personality Disorder on the psychopath list. Calls it incurable and generally vilifying the disorder. It doesn't look like the author of the book actually has any qualifications to make these links apart from anecdotal evidence.